“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”
– Lucille Ball

A lot has been said and continues to, about loving oneself or self-love, self-care, self-help and so on. The entire self-help industry has ‘self’ in the centre of the circle of life. Even our closest circle, is still at a distance, and rightly so.

I do consider myself a lifelong learner. Each day, I wake up excited to know what new I am going to learn and discover in the day that follows. What value would I add to anyone and everyone that I come forth with? What will the people that I’m going to meet, going to share new that would add value in my life? What wonderfully creative things that would emerge out from the amazing conversations that I would have with them?

I had an inception of an idea into my mind on the 1st day of January 2020, the first day of the upcoming decade, and the first day to many more days to come. It was simple, yet profound idea, and I would love to share it today.

Live each day, for the rest of this year 2020, as if you loved yourself.

The moment this thought registered in my mind, I had floodgates open to waves of self-doubt and deserving issues. It felt overwhelming. Almost took a good 48 hours for the idea to sink in. Learning to make EACH AND EVERY choice from this space of being, seemed luring, and extremely terrifying at the same time. The very few thoughts that showed up were of fear. A sort of terror, of being isolated for being selfish.

We have amazing views (read fear) about being selfish. Since childhood, we’ve talked into believing that whatever that we like need not all be owned, or achieved, or received. And somewhere down the line, we settle for the second best. Or the discarded. Always. Breaking this pattern, has a lot of inertia. Yet I genuinely feel that, the very desire to move out of it, is already like breaking out of a cocoon. Spreading our wings, and occupying all the space that we were destined for.

 “After all, we’re just walking each other home.”
-Ram Dass

While going through the ordeals, I’d have never imagined something that painful could bring out any good ever. But over the years, especially throughout the most intense years, I have observed, I’ve starting to come to this realisation sooner each time. I feel that itself is the real win. To be able to look at the stars, while standing in dirt. As they say, there is always and always something to be grateful for.

Why does gratitude matter so much? So does appreciation? Mainly appreciation. Acknowledging something that you already have is a skill we need to learn, to move ahead in life. And when we start focusing on ourself, we start noticing all the beautiful gifts that we already possess.

When I remind myself to think, feel, believe and act in ways that makes me make choices out of love, and not out of fear or obligation, I start to make massive shifts in the energies around. When a whirlwind start, by the fluttering of a butterfly, it surely gathers the dust that has been settled around for such a long time. It may seem to get worse, before it gets better, for old energies have started moving (out).

Often we feel blinded by the moving dirt around, that we stop fluttering our winds, and settle back into the same environment that we have been dreaming to move out of. Bad food choices. Not exercising. Going to events or places, that rob us of our precious time, money and energy. Keeping company, that drain our vital energy. And worse, going back to the limiting beliefs and ideas that keep holding us back into where we’ve always been.

Choices out of self-love look quite different. At times even counterintuitive to what one would normally think of. Learning to say no to good, so that we have time and space to say yes to great, is a skill one learns only after falling flat on our face, at least a hundred times. Prioritizing sleep, over completing an interesting and informative book. Or skipping a dinner party with friends, to spend quality time with family. Spending on sports equipment than some latest gadgets. Taking vacations, than working extra hours. And so on. The list could be endless, and be seen in ways that could be frowned upon.

Making bold choices, going against even the family requests is what gets in the way of day to day tug-o-war. While I have been prioritizing sleep and exercise, I know why I have been struggling so long for losing the weight I have never found the real solution to. And the solution that lay right under my nose, for all this while, has been making choices out of love, and not fear.

Becoming lean to fit into society’s standards of beauty, is acting out of fear. But getting lean because it, looks and feels good to the self, is acting out of love. If I have my goals in line, I know I can achieve them, one loving thought at a time. All it takes is one choice, to make each moment better, than the last one.

Keeping together a circle, that inspires and motivates to be the best version of myself, is truly precious. When I say this, my favourite faces pop right in front of my eyes. The fitness goals that I have for myself, they have already achieved. The financial goals I have for myself, they have already achieved. The relationship goals I have for myself, they have already achieved. And I feel inspired by them on every wakeful moment, to keep learning and absorbing as a dry sponge.

As Dr. Joe Dispenza often says, ‘In the time of information, ignorance is a choice.’

This sentence always hits me, everytime I hear, as I know for a fact how important it is to keep learning, unlearning and re-learning till the last breath, and beyond. Loving myself also looks like reading inspiring books, listening to inspirational people and spending time with inspiring individuals. Surprisingly, this person can very well be the one that we mindlessly look into the mirror each day, every day.

We have overcome each and every problem life had for us, and continue to stand firm in our ground (maybe with a little support), and yet we continue searching for inspiration all around. Loving myself, has taught me one important lesson, if nothing else, to know that I am enough. I am enough in each moment, even though I continue aspiring to improve myself. The improvement is out of love for the self, that is already enough in this moment, and wants to explore all the possibilities the mind can perceive.

Self love can look like an extra loving hour of sleep that the body needed, after a really stressful day. Self love could also look like an extra piece of pizza, that we really enjoyed with our friends, while laughing till our stomachs hurt. Self love is being comfortable spending time at length with oneself, sitting down and listening to what we really have to say. Self love, is walking back home, on a windless evening, when the gloom doomed all over the city, but the light within, continued to keep us warm within. Self love is also, when we were willing enough to extend that light, to a passer by, who seemed to have needed that only smile we had to share that day.

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson