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Journey to Self Discovery…

                                                                  15th Jan’2013

Dearest Saurabh,

How are you my dear? I am in my highest spirits post-Yatra… ‘Tho the ‘Yatra-Hangover’ is still on… I dearly miss being on train amongst my new-born-friends… Hope this letter would suffice staying out of touch for these 15 days!

So… where do I start? Jagriti Yatra 2012! About  THE Yatra… The same one, we dreamt of! The ‘train’ was our home for 15 days! I cannot express what a train means to me now. Every mention of it brings back the memories that run parallel like the rails, which never meet but are always a meter away! Somewhat similar I feel with you… I was and still am, a person who gets well with elder or younger people, but find it rather difficult to adjust with peers… and here I was amidst 450 people of my age group… seemed like a nightmare in the beginning… but until I got to TISS campus and met those highly motivated 450 souls, life is certainly not the same anymore… the very confidence that I can interact and be comfortable with any and all age groups, is out of this world!!

Next was being assigned into a group of 21…who would be my family for next 15 days! ^_^ I can proudly say that I had one of the most amazing lot, and I instantly felt affinity towards them! ‘Mafia’ got us really close together, and we got to know each other well! It was the first time I played it, and happened to be a star at it…My acting skills were appreciated…Missed you a lot that day, for teasing me for the ‘acting’ I’d do! I still long to be with you, no matter how many new people praise my skills! But I must agree, that I really felt at the top of the world that day!

J

Most of our activities and even the compartment to stay was allocated according to this group! Here I must mention, that before getting onto the Yatra, we already had a virtual group on whatsapp and FB…hence I already knew 10-15 people very closely! (Un)fortunately none of them got into my group…and hence I had a wonderful chance to know some complete strangers really well… almost half of our group had an IIT tag! And majority of the Yatris were Engineers! Good or bad I don’t know… and worst was, we were mere 3 architecture students amongst 450!!! Believe that? And you wanted me to become yet another engineer!! :O Rest of the crowd belonged to various fields…from college drop outs to budding entrepreneurs! Overall the energy was high!! And so were my spirits!! As if you were around!

These groups were meticulously selected… wherein no two persons belonged to the same background, academic, social or cultural! And hence the diversity was experienced at every level possible! I was deeply touched, and felt amused and proud at the same time to see and experience the richness of our country’s culture and every other aspect! Languages, distinct facial features… eating habits, conversing methods… I was totally intrigued. Felt like a child left alone in an amusement park to experience every joy-ride by myself! Till now had read this cliché line that describes our country, “Unity in Diversity”…but actually experiencing it brought me goosebumps… As if I felt your touch!

If you ask anyone what kind of a person I was on train, many might say I am a very shy and reserved person… the truth is… I was so overwhelmed by these small things around me, which left me speechless! I was taking in as much as possible… for every passing person was an experience in itself… I spent most of the days faded into the background and looking for myself deep within me! In the due course of time, I felt I had lost in touch with myself, while trying to hold onto others…and making the ends meet…

The Yatra turned out to be an inner discovery for me…Frankly, I was not mentally present for most of the talks and sessions, so can’t really tell you much about them… Throughout the Yatra, I kept asking myself what my purpose in life is… The journey had begun to take a philosophical turn… The rejection on the very first day gave a jolt back into reality… surprisingly it made me feel FREE!!! And light… yes!!! I did ask ‘him’ out and he rejected me after a month’s patient wait! Probably another reason for my subtle silence throughout! I fell sick the next day… But I had a feeling, that he rejected me for a reason…I knew someone better was in store for me… After your marriage, I didn’t really had any feelings for anyone…but he did woo me!

Yet again, I went back asking for my sole purpose…soul agenda… I still am seeking it, but with all the more enthusiasm, and new hope! Thanks to the spiritual background I am now having, things were easy to digest, and I could be more sensitive towards all the happenings around me… got a chance to meditate for 45 mins straight at the Meditation centre at Arvind Eye Clinic’s meditation centre! Can’t explain how peaceful I felt that day! One of the best meditations till date! I’m overjoyed to tell you that, I can get in trance effortlessly now… Got much more to achieve tho, but certainly feels wonderful!!

As I told you, I got a new camera in October, and it was my greatest companion onboard! A medium and a link between the inner and outer world! I loved the way it’d capture the events and moments in tiny capsules that I can now relive! It makes the actual moments stand before me so vividly! Brings a smile on my face, and a tear that lingers by in my eyes seeing my smile and the smile of others in the picture! For I know it is impossible to have all these 450 people together under the same roof (moving!!) again!

Btw, I was put into the ‘J’ group, which we named as “J-ho” (Jai Ho)…I remained with this group for almost first half of the Yatra, until I happened to cross by group ‘N’ accidently one day! Anuja halted there for a few long moments, and we almost got settled there! 😉 There was something magnetic about this newly discovered group ‘N’, that intrigued me and made me drop by there again and again! I fell in love with them, literally!!! They welcomed us with open hearts! So much so that they officially adopted us! In normal terms, most of these people were notorious, for breaking rules! But there was these charismatic vibes about them, that made me stick to them dearly! We’d sit together in bus or at the venues and wait for each other! My group members got super pissed at me for not being around, but I really found these new people more in sync with my vibes! I have had some of the most amazing moments of my life with these set of people! You’d find most of my pictures with these crazy guys and girls! Had countless meals together, eating from one plate!

For me, the real learning experience was through my peers! Something I was experiencing for the very first time! they say it right that travelling teaches you better than any classroom! I have experienced it first-hand now! Many people asked me after coming back, if I had any crushes onboard… I feel I did have a few! Being an idealistic girl, people who were different fascinated me beyond limits! I would not name any of them, for they all have a life back home, beyond me… and I do not belong there! For, I do have to come back to you!

Yatra were the 15 common and the most wonderful days we have spent together… I wasn’t surprised by myself when I got off the train back in Mumbai, and the train took off without us! My eyes were brimming with tears.. I somehow controlled, but they found their way across my cheeks when I saw my dear group ‘N’ silently standing together… I let loose, and just couldn’t stop crying… or rather I did not want to stop… Knowing myself well, these clogged feelings would have given me a hard time later! My dear friends hugged me tight, and promised never to let loose our friendship!

Rest all is left to the time, that would bring them closer, and sieve the rest, and keep the special ones!

Love you,

Anamika.

P.S: I still love you!

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