Had been reading this quote since years…but I got the actual feeling of what it really says recently…when world around me started to collapse…

The atmosphere around me changed overnight…had no idea whom to trust…and whom not to…wasn’t so cynical before in my life…

Kept asking myself…what really made me think so? Was it the recent happenings really? Or my ideas about the similar event that took place long ago…the pangs of hurt felt so fresh…as if it was happening to me that very moment…I hoped it to be so very false…but at such times mind confuses oneself and keeps us in dark…we believe that what our mind says is the sole truth and nothing else in this world can be more authentic…

If you ask me whose mistake it was…I would say its me myself…or maybe the way I think…or I used to think…its not right to judge anyone from past experiences…everyone is unique..and hence they behave differently…even though they seem similar in their reactions…soon I realized that…the situation which looked carbon copy of my past…isn’t so…the main reason…the people involved being different…the broad spectrum of thoughts that are present around seemed to narrow themselves…and I took hasty decisions…

Decisions that made no one happy…but hurt two souls…deeply…what was I really doing? Holding the sand so tight in my fist…that it only slipped through gaps…felt so uneasy…that rather than holding it properly…I decided to let my hand loose n let the sand flow completely…

My room, which then was filled by sorrow was taken over by hopelessness…as if life was falling apart…was this small(?) decision so critical? Was unable to understand what really was happening to me…mind drifted away…and I was left alone…

Did I myself invite this hopelessly loneliness? Was he right and me wrong? How I wished this was true…but what really stopped me? What held me behind…why couldn’t I admit that I was in need of that someone who’d take care of me in this hopeless situation? Did my ego take over my senses? What happened to me ideals of selfless love and those fairy tale stories I thought about myself?? Was that all false?

Whom to ask these questions? How would I tell him that when I was pushing him away…I actually wanted him to pull me so close…and hold me tight in his arms…wanted to sit beside him and rest my head on his shoulder and just cry out…tell him how lonely I am feeling…but hey…did I just fight with him?

“How do I confront him now?” “Will he return to me again after all this” “I don’t want to be just friends with him…” a hundred more questions filled up my mind…

The best way to get out of the mess was to get a very hot shower and cry out loud…the burning skin was no comparison with the burning heart…thought of going out for a while and forget myself in the loud noise of the Ganpati processions…

Did I just mention Ganpati? I had this sudden surge of energy within…I gathered myself…and with a lot of courage I decided to speak up…the chaos in my mind was beyond explanation…the only way out was to accept being wrong…extremely wrong…in judging one person from other… 

Talking seemed easier than before…tears blurred the screen…yet I wanted to make a way through them and talk…talk so much…like never before…

I was transformed in a moment…what was that paradigm shift that took place without my knowledge? It was no use seeking for answers to such questions…it was high time to patch things up…

The loss that was done over a week was difficult to revive…so decided to start anew…and the most understanding person in my life is God’s greatest gift…Do I really believe so much in God? But for this one reason…I want Him to exist…so that I can have someone to show my gratitude!

I made it a point to go out…think better than the four closed walls I was thinking in…who were deprived of love…wanted to fill it with so much that they fill my life with endless love and joy…

I wanted to feel him around in my room…have him back again…just sit there gazing into his lovely brown eyes…everything seemed wonderful once I shifted my thought back to being together…

What shit was this? Did anything really happen within us? Or just some ‘bad-will’ following US?

Did WE just overcome it?

I’m feeling elated! And I continue to have this feeling till the end of this world! Love you my dearest!