After the hectic week of submissions, finally, on one afternoon, i decided to clean up my unkempt room. It was rather neglected over a month now, and looked worse than an old store house. With riot of colours n thermocol flying from every corner of the room.

Thousands of used, unused, coloured, xeroxed, crumpled, stamped sheets were meticulously collected n rolled into a fat bundle. with hundreds of rubber bands fastening it. This was a great way to put behind the happenings, and whereabouts. Each sheet was like a part of me.. used, unused, coloured, xeroxed, crumpled, stamped and thrown. But It was now that i was gathering and putting myself together. A bit of domestic help is always appreciated, for there are people who help you neverthless of what is happening on your emotional level. Actually they’re clueless, or at least avoid questioning.

The section below my bed was filled with kicked pieces of things pushed inside every now and then. It had almost everything right from an used Fanta bottle, a comb, boxes of green tea to a pair of unused shorts, ‘lost’ notes given at college, and a black umbrella. Everything beyond the sight which i had conveniently tagged as ‘lost’ things.

Pretty reluctant at start, to clean up the mess, i began to pull out things out of there. A Box full of tiny clothes i had stitched for my barbie dolls. Just besides the box, was a dust-smeared Barbie doll, which was once ‘snow white’, wearing the dress i had stitched for her almost more than 10 years back smiled with relief! The once adored doll lied in dust, totally ignored and uncared. Maybe just like how i was?

A box neatly wrapped into a thin polothyne bag, having a Bunch of old letters my dear ones had written for me, treasured all along the last 8-10 years! Photos and stickers lied neatly inside each envelope. I kept the box aside to save it for a lazy afternoon, when it would pour heavily outside. I would sit besides the window sipping up a mug full of green tea i had jsut discovered, and relish the old memories hidden in this magic box. Priceless!

The shorts reminded me of the long walks i’d had gone, with them on. they ceased to fit me now. But surely motivated me to get there, to travel back to the time i was beyond happy, with endless romantic walks, at the hill or the jogging track. I put them aside to wash!

Finally the mess was getting settled and the not-so-useful things were put back to use.. After sweeping off the dirt, I looked at the lonely umbrella lying at the farmost end waiting for its turn. It was the one i had furiously pushed back once upon a time, when he had returned it to me after a heavy monsoon rain. His departure was so brutal, that i had promised myself to hate that black umbrella forever. Yet, I pulled it out and dusted it off and kept aside, for it was getting darker outside, with a hint of rain! “I’d take the umbrella out and dance in rain”, a low voice in me said!

After the tiresome clean-up i sat besides my favorite corner, besides the window sipping hot green tea. Looked at the summer rain with admiration. Retrospecting the past few years. Unknowingly a couple of tears rolled down my cheeks, with the thought of people who’d left my life untold and where never to get back. I dearly wanted to go back to the time when everything was just alright between us. Him ‘sweetly’ engaged into someone else had hurt me beyond limits. 

Just then my mobile beeped, and it was my best friend’s text asking if i would share the big black umbrella with her and walk down the shop to fetch some grocery. I affirmed.

In next 5 minutes she got home, practically drentched head to toe. Made some green tea for her (which she dearly hated). Having warmed her up a bit, we set off.

Just at the doorway, i opened the umbrella… 

AND..

It showered me with a thousand tiny hearts. I was speechless for a few moments. i had to be imagining this, but she looked at me stunned. I sat down on ground in a millisecond to gather them all. My eyes blurred and from silent tears, sobbing to wailing.. 

For each one of them read..

“I still love you “