My Lastest
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- Pournima Barhate
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A year older. A year wiser. A bygone year, which summed up a lot of learning that had loose strings left to be tied together. Somewhere, I knew this was coming, and hence I did wait patiently to give it all the time.
If I had to sum up this last year, it was all about learning to love and acceptance. Unconditional love is quite an abused terminology, but actually understanding the meaning is one thing and applying it is yet another story.
It is amazing how my birthday holds innumerable treasures for me. Each year, I have Universe deliver a grand parcel at my doorstep awaiting to be opened. On asking for eternal love and of course some wonderful romance, that is what Universe delivered me. If you ask me to name a particular person I fell in love with, I might be unable to say so. But I know for sure what that person feels like, and makes me feel like. That feeling becomes crystal clear with every passing moment.
From the depths of oceans, and the height of mountains, I had everything I required reach me at a blessed hour each time. As I sit here trying to recall small moments that strung together the long, seemingly broken life of mine, I can’t help but smile back at the little girl who felt so desperate to find love. Like her, what we all fail to understand is whatever that ‘love’ that we desire for resides right under our nose. And we spend our lives running endlessly, looking for it in all the wrong places.
I feel blessed to be connected to people with whom I can have very deep heart-to-heart conversations regarding these ideas and get clearer vision and further help visualize better. The joy of finding something is beyond words. Finding our grit and determination in this process is yet another beautiful feeling. If you can control the way you think and feel, you possibly can control anything happening in your world. Mind you, any damn thing you can!
Sometimes we might not be served the delicacies on a platter and need to go out and get them. As I’m writing this here, I can feel those shivering hands and that racing heart when I actually dared to step out of my comfort zone. As they say, love makes your world go round. Imagine what self-love might make you do! You sure can achieve great heights and reach the depths of your thinking, feeling and being.
The crimsons and magentas became my friend as I discovered love for everything floral, beautiful and feminine. Once you see your beautiful self in the mirror, you find the world mirroring all beautiful things right back at you. May it be a butterfly you come across every single time you step out. Finding feathers on random streets. A penny or a shining piece or metal or a tiny mirror. Some intriguing numerical patterns. A particular beloved flower that gives a feedback that love is accompanying me. If you ask Universe to give you signs, you sure find them. The Universe winks at me, wherever I go.
I learnt that love is patience. I also learnt, more than patience it is faith. Sometimes taking a leap of faith. Love sure makes you fearless. Somewhere embracing the fear of judgement and realizing that the person before you, can also be vulnerable. It is when you decide to let someone in, through the tall walls that you’ve always built around. It was when I chose to open the curtains and let the light shine inside. I learnt that you cannot wait for the other one to take the first step. Sometimes you have to take the first, by willing to receive. Sometimes even a few more. It is when in the times when you wish to cry yourself to sleep, you choose to stay up, choose to be happy and then sleep with a happy, content heart.
I learnt that happiness is an inside job. You cannot ever depend on the external things to make you happy. They sure can add to the joy that already resides within you. But you have to ignite the fire within you and rekindle it every time it seems to diminish. I learnt loving myself, was also allowing people to love me. Sometimes the walls around us are so high, no one can peep inside. I learnt asking for help, is a profound expression love for myself. Accepting my mistakes is also love that I feel for myself. Forgiving others is love for myself as well. So is forgiving myself.
As I sit here writing, I know the love that I’ve kindled is reaching some corners of the world, I feel a sense of joy run through me. What a beautiful feeling it is to touch hearts anonymously. A subtle current of love needs to be sent across the world and it all starts with me. In your case, it starts with You. We cannot possibly wait for someone to make us happy. I’ve learnt it very well in last so many years. What I give out comes right back to me, in multi-folds. I’ve had so many experiences that I’ve lost the count.
The world is a mirror to my inner self.
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