Photo credits: Caleb Woods

The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you’re enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect.

Starting of the New Year has mixed feelings. A set of accomplishments laced with disappointments. Have you ever felt like a fraud? Let me tell you, you’re definitely not the only one!

Every single time I’d want to set my foot out to do something that I already must’ve done at least a hundred times before (if not a thousand) I still cannot help but doubt my abilities. For years, until very recently I have been under the impression that I was the only one who feared being exposed or highly doubt my skills. I’d be honest here, I really doubt if I am good at what I do, or hope to continue doing in future.

As Wikipedia explains “Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, impostorism, fraud syndrome or the impostor experience) is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.”

And that was when I wondered if what I was experiencing really something that common, that it actually has a name?! I have been feeling fraud ever since I’ve known. When someone praises me, my work or something that I might have accomplished, I cannot help but feel that they’re just being polite and don’t wish to drop the truth bomb. Guess who is my biggest critic of all times?

After spending decades thinking I am not good enough, even though the setbacks have only helped me grow I do continue to feel so. We all are art in progress, and there would be some time when we can just give our little hearts and minds a little rest. Even though overthinking is my second nature, so is daydreaming beautiful things. And like everything, this feeling of not good enough, also benefits in ways I’d seldom give myself credit for.

Social media has taken things on a next level in displaying lives of those that glitters. We cannot help but compare with others, and howmuchever we try to soothe ourselves, we always have that one person who is exceling at something we really wish to excel at.

I recently watched a video by Marie Forleo where she talked of imposter syndrome, and simple tools to overcome it. I was mind blown to listen to the names of the people who experience these same feelings and think these thoughts that drive me crazy at times. What made the difference was incorporating these in my life.

Let me share a few of her tips that I really liked, and instantly put into action.

Talking about things we’re most ashamed of – this one’s definitely counterintuitive. When I am actually talking of this fear and shame of being found out as an imposter, how on Earth would I open talk of shameful things? It is like a secret, that we are afraid to admit. But guess what? I currently am pretty much writing about it. Yes, the list is really long and not quite a pretty picture. But hey, I am taking steps in a direction of hope and using all these not-so-pleasant things as stepping stones towards living my dreams. Needless to say, it takes a lot of courage. (Patting my back). And even though I am in two minds whether to publish this article or not, you know I have already! So yay!

The “flashlight method” to dissolve imposter syndrome – a real catch here is, we often feel that if we think less of ourselves we’re being humble. But let me break it to you guys, you’re simply stroking your ego. I do that as well. Too much focus on myself, is a recipe for disaster. When someone is really saying what I do adds value to them, doubting my skills right there, is pretty much disrespecting their genuine feedback, and also we tend to miss out on serving others. When we flash the light on others, instead of ourselves, we turn the focus into adding value to their lives, with any and every way possible to us. And needless to say, that definitely proves by factual feedback, that you’re not quite a fraud that you think yourself to be. What a win-win!

Start a Hype File – let’s just say, this one was my most favourite. My top LoveLanguage is ‘words of affirmations’ and you can already guess how wonderful it feels to be reassured with comforting words, that I am not so worthless after all. So, a hype file is basically a record of all the wonderful list of things people have said to you in verbal or non-verbal ways. It could be compliments, thank yous, or any ways in which you’ve helped them. This is like an instant charging point that I now run to, when I find my worthy-battery low.

The bottom line of it is, I am learning to be seen, heard and understood. Before anyone else, by myself.

As a shame researcher, I know that the very best thing to do in the midst of a shame attack is totally counterintuitive: Practice courage and reach out!