“Breathing, according to me, corresponds to taking charge of one’s own life.”
–Luce Irigaray

I’m learning to allow the first thought in the morning, dictate the rest of the day. You’d probably wonder what is so special about that? It is said, we always wake up and start afresh each morning with a blank slate, ready to fill it up with wonderful moments during the day. The possibilities are endless. Most often than not, we immediately paint it with the previous day’s picture, ideas, thoughts, limiting beliefs, and eventually have a similar day as the previous one. While years pass by, and we wonder why is our life just the same. I’m learning to do it mindfully these days, while before it’d often hop into and spiraled mindlessly throughout the day. I allow each day to be different than any previous one.

Over a decade ago, I was a different person altogether. Often scared, anxious, short tempered and overall annoyed. But someone who would still strive hard to put a smile on her face. It was a strange ordeal to go through day after day, for years, with a conflicting personality. But we get used to the ease and comfort of a malfunctioning life, and keep complaining without making any major changes in our lifestyle. I too wanted my life to change, without doing much in that direction.

Life nudges you every once in a while, to change the way our life is leading to same issues over and over again. To mend our behaviours. With time, the nudges get louder and louder. Until one day, it become a tight slap straight into our face, when you just can’t take it anymore, and are compelled to take the necessary steps to make changes in the lifestyle. You life wants to change. For good.

“When you own your breath, nobody can steal your peace.”

Life was tired of kicking too many times, in various ways possible. The resilience was being shown by all means in a wrong way. It was an endless, tireless loop of doom. I had to be rescued. By none other than myself. We are always put in front of opportunities, and it is finally left to us, what choice we make and what decision we take. Irrespective of their perceived sizes, I believe, all choices are decisive in life. Absolutely all of them, for each one decides a different course of life, that moment onward.

I had always believed, that life was out of our control. Which lead to a rather reckless life. All choices were made out of extreme fear, and never really out of love. Rarely ever, out of sheer love. Anger was hence, a constant companion, due to the perceived injustice that was being inflicted upon me. Sooner than later, resentment started boiling underneath like hot lava inside me. Guess what is the underlying emotion for cancer? You named it right! When some choose to believe that cancer runs in their genes, it is more like resentment or resentful thoughts that run in their genes. This statement might provoke many, and may get triggered and angered. That is when, they prove my point absolutely right!

“Anger is like a storm rising up from the bottom of your consciousness. When you feel it coming, turn your focus to your breath.”
-Thich Nhat Hanh

When in anger, or for that matter any emotion with lower vibration mind can rarely function properly. As if, we’re standing amidst boiling water, and trying to look around. We just can’t see clearly enough, whatever the power our glasses are of. We need the boiling water to cool down, and settle, for us to see around with much more clarity.

The very first thing I learnt on my journey with Yoga or meditation, was breathing. Something that we overlook and ignore, that which is so innate and right below our nose. Quite literally. Whenever we talk about proper way of breathing, we immediately think of the practice of Pranayama, during our Yoga class. That surely is important, but that is more like one hour during the day, what happens in the remaining twenty three hours? We easily overlook all of it. A day, or the entire life comprises of one moment after another, one breath after another.

Learning to live in the moment, is the most precious lesson that was taught by bringing my attention back to my breath, every now and then. As if a fun game of mine, when I keep a close watch on myself, and aim to catch whenever I tend to take in shallow breaths, or feeling stressed out or overall restless. It is always the breath that is irregular. And overall incoherence that prevails in body, that wrecks havoc in internal systems. Whatever little human anatomy that I’ve happened to learn, it scared the shit out of me. The very idea of my breath affecting each any every tiny cell of my body, is the most massive piece of information that I had gained. But it has been a tug-o-war of knowing something versus applying it into daily practice. Unless and until I myself practice something completely, I find it absolutely wrong to ask someone to do it and bluntly impart bookish knowledge. Not walking the talk, is something that doesn’t go well with me, and that is when, many years ago, I learnt to focus more and more on my breath. See how it behaves in different situations, and what I can do to bring myself back to the moment. Sounds like a lot of work to begin with, but now it feels like an automated system program. I’m taken care of.

Yet, I often find myself complaining, and going back to old ways of knee-jerk reactions. But instead, I have learnt to take a moment, step back, take in a few deeper breaths and look at the incident in totality and not in isolation, that helps me in responding more number of times than reacting and giving up my power in that moment. Life no more happens to me, but happens for me. I love the idea of being the centre of my Universe, where I am learning to co-create with the Higher Intelligence of this Universe. The result being, I’m learning to gain my power back, into the moment and that’s how I’m letting my mind, body and soul know how deeply, madly and passionately I’m in love with her, to each and every breath.

“Try to learn to breathe deeply, really to taste food when you eat, and when you sleep, really to sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell. And when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough.”
-Ernest Hemingway