“I carry a small sheet of paper in my wallet that has written on it the names of people whose opinions of me matter. To be on that list, you have to love me for my strengths and struggles.”
-Brene Brown

I snuggled into my bed and basked into the glory of self-love, while I listened to the pitter patter of the rain outside. Taming a heart like mine is indeed a task, unless I’m willing to be tamed. The rain often fires the romantic nerve within me. Working passionately towards the things that mattered the most, it was so easy to fall in love with the things I enjoy doing the most. Being the person I always wanted to be evolved as, and emerge as someone who is joyful, fearless, carefree and wild.

They say joy is contagious. You just cannot hide the joy that shines within your heart. People can feel the love and warmth in your being from across the world. The more I’ve focused on myself, setting and honouring boundaries became easier. I feel a radical shift in and around me and feel a deep sense of courage germinate within me, every time I unveil a vulnerable part of me. The more I become candid, I connect deeper with myself and others around me. On a level I could never have imagined before. I’m feeling much more accessible and acceptable than ever before.

I’d often find it extremely difficult to say no to things that I did not approve, or felt uncomfortable to go through. Starting to draw boundaries gave me a sense of immense freedom to express myself in ways that were unknown to me. I started gauging each and everything from my gut feeling and intuition. The longer I stayed with the feelings in my body, the sharper they’ve started growing. The things in past that I had unwillingly said yes to, have often backfired. Especially for the people closest to me. Doing things as an obligation or fear, rather out of love or joy never seem to work. And never will. Starting to say no, and drawing lines have actually improved my communication with everyone. I also have lost a lot of people on the way. My lack of boundaries seemed to have benefited them.

Another unveiling that happened was regarding embracing vulnerability. Talking of my struggles have been such a concern, as I’d spend extra time and mental bandwidth imagining how others would receive my words. Forgetting the very fact that my struggles are the very things that make me the person that I am. It is an integral part of me, and rejecting to acknowledge or accept the events and experiences that have shaped me, is like rejecting parts of me. The day I got this clarity, it was a paradigm shift. As if in a matter of moment I had different vision to look towards life. The shackles broke loose. I could feel the hold of shame loosening its grip on me. I cannot possibly begin to explain the freedom I have started to feel.

It is interesting, how the right people love you in spite of all your flaws. At times I feel we humans fall in love with the flaws more than perfection. It took me almost three decades to come to terms to this. The whole idea of someone finding me as an appealing woman made me feel giddy with happiness. Someone saying they adore my endearing little grin. I mean, Imagine someone falling in love with me, for being Me! WOW! It already makes me feel butterflies in my stomach. The bright blue ones. The whole scenario of an orchestra with violins playing in the backdrop at the first sight of the man of my dreams, makes me one of those actresses dancing on the movie screen. Romantic love has to be grand and picturesque. Right?

Yes! Absolutely. The more I’m trying to wrap my mind around the whole concept of romantic as well as not-so-romantic love, I feel coming so close to my true essence. I am finding myself becoming the kind of amazing person, I would want to be with. I feel I need to enjoy my own company, before I want to share the space with anyone else. All these years, I have expected men to fill up the voids in me, which I myself was unwilling to acknowledge. I would randomly pick fights, and would be that jealous little girl always insecure about something or the other. But now I know better. It dawned upon me that if I stand firm in my ground with authenticity, I need not worry about my man straying away. Each one have their lives and you need not make one person the focal point of your entire life. There are so many more beautiful things to accomplish, with this wonderful person by your side. The mental and emotional torture we put ourselves through, is just not worth it. Those who love you, shall stay. Come what may. Any amount of worrying, would only leave a bitter after taste into the relationship.

The silent support of the loved one, is the wind beneath our wings. It helps you to soar high. You gain immense courage to become the best version of you. Often times than not, this new version is something you yourself always desired to be. Struggling way too hard only makes you collapse back into your barn. Often falling flat on your face, for it was driven out of fear and not love in our heart. Just the way we feel we can come home to, even when we are loved wild. We become invincible, for we’re a wildflower, God’s Divine child.

“When you get to a place where you understand that love and belonging, your worthiness, is a birthright and not something you have to earn, anything is possible.”
-Brene Brown