“I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver.”
–Maya Angelou

I have always been a staunch supporter of giving without withholding, and unconditionally. Having grown up in this world where ‘giving’ unconditionally is one of the highest virtues. Until one fine day, I realized I seem to feel an endless void within me. I was blissfully oblivious to the idea of filling my cup, before pouring it out.

Taking seemed extremely self indulgent and selfish act. something I just couldn’t wrap my mind around, for receiving gifts has always been frowned upon. ‘Gifts in the form of blessings only’, read every other invitation card. Receiving a gift felt like throwing right in front of a moving cart. This lesson took me a while to intellectually grasp, rationalize and finally put to practice.

One of the most profound learning on my journey into self-love, and probably the most difficult one. I still continue to learn, grow and receive. I hear you murmur, whats so difficult about ‘taking’ anything from anyone. As we give, so do we take! I would think the same, until one day the entire fallacy came crumbling down.

It all began, when I realized I wasn’t good at receiving compliments. It seriously made me feel uncomfortable, and I’d end up blurting endless denials, and helping the person see how flawed I was in reality. It shocked and amazed me as I became aware of this behaviour, as also I soon came to realize it was difficult to accept help as well. It all felt like a wake up call. A call for care. A call for respect. A genuine cry for love. As I became aware to the drama ongoing right under my nose, it was a paradigm shift.

I could repetitively catch myself pushing compliments away. Or self-sabotaging. Assuring people I could do the job at hand all by myself, while in reality I could’ve really felt relieved with some extra help. I always saw myself as a highly loving person, but it felt like an ordeal to receive the reciprocated love. A barbed wired fence of sarcasm would surface, if not a wall whenever anyone would attempt to get emotionally close.

As a deeper understanding towards myself grew, I realized what all went in, in true self-care, self-respect and self-love. It wasn’t all to do with lighting incense sticks. Or going for massages or spas. Or having the retail therapy of the latest fashions into the wardrobe. I felt, willing to receive love from the loved ones is one of the highest forms of self-love, no one ever discussed about. It meant, being okay with the receiving end, of all the quotes that went around our virtuous society. It meant it was okay to be candid and vulnerable. It really is okay to receive anything, that if given to you with genuine love.

In fact, I’ve started learning to receive graciously. May it be someone willing to pay the bill at the restaurant, after a lavish meal. Or a stranger offering help with telling the time. It was totally alright to genuinely thank them and honour their kind gesture. It was okay to accept and thank people for noticing my qualities and complimenting me for them. It was okay not to brush them off with borrowed modesty. It was okay to be told I had a perfectly beautiful pair of deep eyes. It indeed was okay to be complimented for my toothy smile. It is totally okay to blush pink, on accepting a compliment than deny it with a whitewashed face. It was okay to let the young man help me with the grocery bags, even though he very well knew I could carry them all. I’m a strong woman after all. But, it is okay to let him feel stronger, by being able to help me. It is okay to lean back a little, and receive with grace, for proving myself right is not always the case.

As I learnt these seemingly small little big things, I find myself not only acknowledging but also accepting the love awaiting for me. Love happens amidst spoken words. During beautiful moments spent together, laughing heartily never looking at the phone. Love happens when receiving a handmade gift. Love also happens when you’re helped with a chore. Love is also a gentle encouraging pat on my back. I receive all the blessings ever so graciously now.

“Receiving; an act of love where the giver is given the joy of giving.”